Humor, Irony, and other Stuff that Passes for Too Left Feet Amusement...

"And now, here's something we hope you'll really like!"

... Rocket J. Squirrel

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Narrator: "At that moment, Karen and Rocky's only hope in the whole WORLD, was Bullwinkle J. Moose... In other words, they didn't have a prayer."

Also see our Famous TLF Students page.

  • Who's got the best dance moves at Thanksgiving dinner?  The Twerkey!
  • Why did the sun bathers put on their best suits?  They were going to the beach ball!
  • What animals are the worst dancers? --- Four-legged ones are bad, because they have two left feet. Of course, insects are even worse: there's spiders, and centipedes, and millipedes, .... 
  • What do they call the worst dancer in the room? --- A dancer. 
  • Centipede to physician: "Doc, when my feet hurt, I hurt all over." 
  • Centipede to pal: "I just hate it when I start the day off on the wrong foot." 
  • Why did the mother snake buy tennis shoes for her little snake? --- Because the doctor said he'd grown two feet! 
  • Why did the two left feet hate each other? --- They were arch enemies. 
  • It was a tragedy! As best witnesses could remember, the two small dogs just strolled into the dance studio and waltzed out with the cat! 
  • Why did the dancing man cross the road? --- He was following line of dance. 
  • Why did the dancing woman cross the road? --- She was following the lead. 
  • A man walks in and places a tiny piano atop the bar, then pulls a hamster and a duck out of his pockets.  The hamster begins to play the piano while the duck sings.  The patrons are amazed, and finally one walks over and offers $100 for the tiny animals.  The owner considers, and finally agrees to sell only the duck.  As the new duck owner leaves the bar, the bartender walks over and says "Hey, you could have got a lot more money for a singing duck!"  The seller replies "You don't understand.  The duck can't sing, the hamster is also a ventriloquist!"
  • Two feet were arguing over a shoe when the hand said, "Hey, you can't both be right!" 
  • Never argue with a fool: onlookers won't be able to tell who's who. Besides, if we can drag you down to our level, we can beat you with experience! 
  • You might as well enjoy today; tomorrow is bound to be worse! 
  • I had a dog once, but I spilled spot remover on him, and he disappeared. 
  • Charles M. Schulz: "I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time." 
  • A cockroach, a chicken, and a priest walk into a bar.  The bartender comes over and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
  • Some people will use any excuse not to dance
  • A six-foot cockroach walks into a bar.   The bartender says "Wow! This is really amazing!   A six-foot cockroach!" The cockroach says "Why, what's the big deal? Don't we all have six feet?" 
  • You know how to keep those annoying squirrels out of your church belfrey? Make 'em members of the church, and then you'll only see them on Easter and Christmas! 
  • What do you have when only one line dancer comes to your party? -- A One Liner! 
  • How do you know if Bullwinkle is standing under your bed? You'll know because your nose will be pressed to the ceiling. 
  • The Olentangy River, which goes through Columbus, Ohio, is not considered contaminated by the natives. But, if you skip a rock across the surface, it causes sparks, then eventually stops and floats away. 
  • A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap-dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that e offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.  Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"  "Well," said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light a candle under the pot?" 
  • Ya know what's really odd? People with no sense of humor are really funny! 
  • What are the two main political parties in Canada? Moose and Squirrel! 
  • What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and act like a nut!