Humor, Irony, and other Stuff that Passes for Too Left Feet Amusement...

"And now, here's something we hope you'll really like!"... Rocket J. Squirrel

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Narrator: "At that moment, Karen and Rocky's only hope in the whole WORLD, was Bullwinkle J. Moose... In other words, they didn't have a prayer."

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  • What animals are the worst dancers?  --- Four-legged ones are bad, because they have two left feet.  Of course, insects are even worse: there's spiders, and centipedes, and millipedes, .... 
  • What do they call the worst dancer in the room?   --- A dancer.
  • Centipede to physician: "Doc, when my feet hurt, I hurt all over."

  • Centipede to pal: "I just hate it when I start the day off on the wrong foot."

  • Why did the mother snake buy tennis shoes for her little snake?  --- Because the doctor said he'd grown two feet!

  • Why did the two left feet hate each other?  --- They were arch enemies.

  • It was a tragedy!  As best witnesses could remember, the two small dogs just strolled into the dance studio and waltzed out with the cat!

  • Why did the dancing man cross the road?  --- He was following line of dance.
  • Why did the dancing woman cross the road?  --- She was following the lead.
  • Two feet were arguing over a shoe when the hand said, "Hey, you can't both be right!"
  • Never argue with a fool: onlookers won't be able to tell who's who.  Besides, if we can drag you down to our level, we can beat you with experience!
  • You might as well enjoy today; tomorrow is bound to be worse!
  • I had a dog once, but I spilled spot remover on him, and he disappeared.
  • Charles M. Schulz: "I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time."
  • Some people will use any excuse not to dance.
  • A six-foot cockroach walks into a bar.  The bartender says "Wow!  This is really amazing!  A six-foot cockroach!"  The cockroach says "Why, what's the big deal? Don't we all have six feet?"
  • You know how to keep those annoying squirrels out of your church belfrey?  Make 'em members of the church, and then you'll only see them on Easter and Christmas!
  • What do you have when only one line dancer comes to your party? -- A One Liner!
  • How do you know if Bullwinkle is standing under your bed?  You'll know because your nose will be pressed to the ceiling.
  • The Olentangy River, which goes through Columbus, Ohio, is not considered contaminated by the natives.  But, if you skip a rock across the surface, it causes sparks and never sinks.
  • A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap-dancing on it.  The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.

    Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"

    "Well," said the duck's former owner, "did you remember to light a candle under the pot?"
  • Ya know what's really odd?  People with no sense of humor are really funny!
  • What are the two main political parties in Canada?  Moose and Squirrel!
  • What's the best way to catch a squirrel?  Climb up a tree and act like a nut!