For Men Only: 

Why You'll Like Dancing with Too Left Feet!

Ladies: Don't read this page. Really. Everything on this page is just crude male humor. It's the ramblings of a sexually insecure, immature, relationship-challenged mind. It's a joke, at least to us. Everything on this page is a lie. Disregard it. Trust me. Go away. Please? 

  • Dancing "lead" is the last socially acceptable, politically correct, mixed-company situation in which you are allowed to be in charge, to be aggressive (gently), to be assertive (gently), to be forceful (gently).  When you lead in a dance, you are expected to be in charge and act like it.  You will be thanked and complimented for being in charge.  In dancing, your self-assured, confident, unhesitating movements give the follower a feeling of security.  Women talk amongst themselves about which men lead best and which leaders make them feel the most secure!
  • If you keep changing partners, which is perfectly polite and acceptable, you can dance with 20 different women every hour.  A dance only lasts 3 minutes!
  • Leading is a perfect excuse for not talking.  When pressured to talk during a dance, try saying "Honey, I really need to concentrate here for a few minutes, so that we don't run into anybody."
  • Most women can't dance and talk at the same time, either.  Most of them know this.  Even if you get a talker, a dance only lasts 3 minutes
  • If a woman is talking, a double under-arm turn will interrupt her every time; two in a row will leave her too dizzy to remember what she was talking about.  As the leader, you can lead this step any time you want.  I will teach you this step if you need it!
  • Because you're leading, the woman will never do any step you don't know!   If a dance starts that you don't know, sit down and armchair quarterback.  A dance only lasts 3 minutes! 
  • No matter how ugly, tongue-tied or boring you are: if you take a shower, put on some decent clothes and pay your $5, they will welcome you into any dance.  Most of the time, all you'll really need is the $5.
  • At most social events (other than "a dance") where there is dancing (a wedding, graduation party, New Year's, reunion) you will often find that you are the only man in the room who can actually dance.  All the women there will be yours for the asking.  Even if there are a couple of other guys, the ratio will be WAY in your favor.
  • A man who can dance can crash any party, any where, any time.  On a business trip to Chicago I once walked into a wedding reception at the hotel where I was staying and danced with every woman there including the bride.  The food was great, the booze was free, the women were entertaining, and it beat the heck out of wandering around Chicago in the winter, looking for bars.  The only trick: dance with the oldest women first, once each, and work your way all the way down to the kids.  After that, for the rest of the night, you can dance with only the ones you liked.
  • No matter where you go, no matter what country it is, no matter how urban or rural the city, regardless of the language being spoken, despite the seriousness or joy of the occasion: Foxtrot is exactly the same, always.  Ditto: Waltz, Rumba, and all the other dances!
  • At a dance, you can walk up to the most beautiful woman in the room, any time you want, ignore the male-model type she's talking to and ask that woman to dance.  She will say "Yes" almost every time.  Mr. Johnny Depp will have to just stand there and take it.  If Mr. Johnny Depp can't dance, you can dance with his date all night, and he'll still have to buy her dinner.
  • If the most beautiful woman in the room doesn't know how to dance, you can say "I'll show you how." and she will dance with you, anyway.
  • If you learn to dance reasonably well, women will walk up to you and ask you to dance.  This is equivalent to their saying "Will you please take me in your arms and hold me for three minutes?"  All you've got to say is "Yes."  And you can even politely say "No." and noone will be angry!  If you're married, they will walk up and ask your wife's permission first; she will say "Yes."
  • No matter how ugly, boring, smelly, chatty, shrill, awkward, clingy or scary your dance partner is, in three minutes or so you can choose another one.
  • If you dance with every woman in the room, they will all appreciate it.  The ones you haven't danced with, yet, will start asking you
  • If a too-beautiful, too-young, too-sexy woman comes to a dance with her mother (or maiden aunt, grandmother, etc) in tow, all you've got to do is dance with the mother first.   Thereafter, Mom will make you dance with her daughter. 
  • If you dance with your wife all she wants, good things will happen.  Your wife will tell you to dance with other women while she takes a break.  She will tell other women how good a lead you are.  She will tell women to ask you to dance.  She will point out women that you haven;t danced with, yet.  It's bazzare, but it's true! 
  • After attending a few dances, your wife will watch you dance with other women and smile.  If you keep checking back in with her, you can keep it up about half the night. 
  • There's more, but you just have to go out there and experience it yourself.  You'd never believe me, anyway!