A check (or cash) in the amount of $50 - I can also accept a copy of your VISA, MasterCard, or Discover Card (no American Express, please). If using a credit card, please include the security number on the back (the three digits at the end of the signature area) and your full billing address. Charges will appear on your bill as "MTLF-ITSS." Sorry, dues are not tax-deductable; in fact, you probably shouldn't mention them to anyone, at all.
Imprints (in permanent ink) of all your feet. If your feet do not come in pairs, just send me an extra copy of any one foot, thereby sending an even number in total. If you have NO feet, send an imprint of whatever body part you use to keep yourself from falling through the ground, assuming said imprint would not be considered pornographic in Mississippi.
Your complete personal information: Full name, email address, mailing address, telephone number, fax number, cell number, social security number, bank account and credit card numbers (be sure to include the security numbers on the back), shoe size, weight, height, the number of children in you family under the age of eighteen, and your approximate household income.
One box-top from any size Cap'n Crunch Cereal. Tops from Boo Berrys, Count Chocula, and Crunch Beast cereal are not acceptable.
5. The address to which I should send your official membership certificate.
P.S.- Do not, under any circumstances, fax me any provocative pictures, unless you expect special treatment, or want to be a club officer. Nude photos become the property of TLF Enterprises and cannot be returned.
P.P.S.- My Too Left Feet is currently looking for a President, Secretary, Treasurer, and Pizza Driver. If you can serve in any of these capacities, please let me know!
Hurry! Operators are standing by for Your Call!
Membership benefits include:
- One (1) simulated gold-foil 8.5" x 11" membership certifcate, suitable for framing (frame not included), constructed entirely of acid-free recycled paper
- One (1) wallet-sized, laminated, membership ID card, accepted world-wide whereever the Too Left Feet symbol is displayed (may not be redeemed for cash, coupons, or airline points)
-One (1) 5" x 7" official photograph of Allen Driskill (sample above), also suitable for framing (frame not included); autograph available for a small extra charge (please ask your operator for details)
- Free admittance to all free Too Left Feet events; should there ever be any free Too Left Feet events, we'll call you, don't call us!
- One (1) pair of official TLF socks (consisting of two (2) socks) (sorry, only available in XL, white, and for the left foot)
- One (1) copy of the Too Left Feet Dancing #0 comic book, featuring Dancing Man and the Toes of Temptation Trio plus Two!
Never Mind the Fine Print Below! Call in the Next Two Hours and Receive a Surprise Free Gift!
* All submissions become the property of Too Left Feet and My Too Left Feet Productions, Inc. . Information cannot be returned, and may be used in any way My Too Left Feet and it's agents (including its attorneys, forgers, bookies, and government representitives) see fit. Supplying this information grants My Too Left Feet permission to use pcitures of your feet in its advertising including, but not limited to, posting those images on the internet for all the world to see.